The End!!!

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oday is a day that I forgive so I can think clearly.  I forgive you for when words would roll off your tongue and enter mind mind as if it was raping me slowly,  from words like moron,asshole,becasue I didnt wnna spend to much money or if I just wanted a kiss goodnight, and the use of perve cause I just wanted to touch you aor make love to you. A kiss from you was like a mile walk, to make love was like having being in prison in my on bed.  Being called a perve becasue of the way i use to look at you, and imagine you dressed in heels and a nice outfit, but I coould get past the letter E in the word Perve cause it was always empty. I worked and you called me a worthless man cause I like to cherrish my family and because I  Loved you so much and the word weak was use to the point it became poison to my blood and you used it to bring me down and always step and killed me on a daily routine, and knew  how to do it. Like when you slapped me while holding our daughter. and to find out that You cheated on me  wround the time you got pregnant and I lived with that for years and didnt find out until after we was married and especially when the guy was your step father brother I carried that around for years and when you lied to me on our wedding day I asked you if you needed to tell me anything you said no and then I found out about that after we was married. You hated everybody in my family cause they loved me but there still here.  I always treated you like a queen even when you treated me like a Servant. Im not perfect but I never disrespected our house. You cheated on me with women and men and I still forgave the horror that came with it and the nightmare that would keep me up at night. I gave you Love,Loyalty,respect,and a family that all you never respected not even in God eyes: ( I would disobey God and not be with Him) I soon realize that my whole marriage was so painful but I hurt myself by letting you use and abuse the situtaions that came and went in the years that would past by. I’m not perfect I was lieing about bills that I paid that didnt get paid until later on. like three days later, but I was just being a man that take on stress afor you so you can complete school,but you went wiithout your car running out of gas,and we had food on the table,and lights was always on and always had internet to do your work, and even had a husband that didnt leave your side when surgury came aroud, I lied alot about the bills casue I knew that if I gave you the money that it would of never been paid. I hate walkiing in my house to another stress of seeing someone that cant see me oe stand my existance or me living and I think that what was so hurtful but yet I still worked,clean,cook,paid bills,and tackled everything that came accross my way. Im not proud of who I use to be but looking back on it besides the lying about the bils I think I was an good man. I never cheated,beat you,did anything to harm my family I always was that man that took loads of overload when it came to family. Im not regreting anything but I am thankful that what happen happen casue then I would be proud of myself for pulling threw the storm. Especially when the kids was involved center stage witnesing the terror of the words and action from you. I have never responded to you about what happen to us in those 90 days I have tried to tell you but it was always a kick in the face like always. We went threw Cold night with no lights,hungry casue we could cook cause you took all the pots, and emotional distress that had to be handle with grades dropping and attitude flaring up , and how we use to sleep in an apartment with cat poop in the carpet and I was so lost that I didnt even realize what was going on. We asked you for money and all we got was no and angry text messages saying we tried to replace you, when you replaced yourself if you didnt notice, The night before you left you made love to me like you was making love to another man and you cried saying you hate to leave but you left us in the desert with no water. The kids cried and ask you to come home and you told them no 8 times. For what we went threw and how you left your family and you keep saying you left me but you left the kids to and I dont think you understand that but one day you will. I gave you all of me but its time for me to take me back casue I have changed and i dont think your ready for me cause Im new and your not ready for me as a friend, and  mentally  I have being trying to learn how to forgive you but didnt know how until a good friend of mine said Im full of pain. So I have to forgive you to give her what she deserve and allow myself to receive what I deserve and I have to release myself from the pain cause my girls need me fuly especially mentally…………. So I forgive you for everything………………………This is the end!!!!! for my Struggle!!! Thank You.

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