Past to Present

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I use to lie about simple things
Even about how I felt about my feelings
Especially about debt and bills
I Took and carried alot of pain around
But never knew when to place it down
Always said ok and never said a sound
But I knew stuff was wrong but never would I break
Even when the stress would rise
See I started life young and it was hard
Seeing my uncle in jail from drugs to stealing
So I embraced my feelings
The way favoritism played a role in my family
The way my little brother got punished
All for just being a little kid
Somehow I wondered how could I take this pain
Soon found out it was just the beginning of my pain
The words of negativity that was taught to me threw action
The abuse verbally physically and mentally
Was mind controlling love holding  but mind scolding
Nothing was showed to me as a child to be a man
Learned everything with hands on training
I felt like I was my own fan
Insecure,independent, mentally unstable
But alone scared  and crying for help
But alone with the pain can family and friends death
With life as a teenager became disgusted
Trying to fit in and felt that no one could be trusted
The embarrassment of giving love but receiving it
The tears fears with no care started to make me sick
So I reached out to writing which was exciting
But with words to write I still was hiding
From that lost boy at 12 Years old and very cold
Sometime I didn’t need a I love you just someone to easy the load
Never got that prom date wow she was beautiful
But that was my stupidity and my own mistake
The way I would look at her and ask why me
She was a great friend that I did wrong
Great attention of a black female but she was real
I learn to let negative stuff go and move on
So now the past is gone
I’ve had a long  long long ride
But new things always appear In view
But making new decisions will bring a new you
New careers and people coming into your life
New romances and new night dances
New perfumes and body lotions
New dress codes and  a new love flow
New attitudes and new chances
New directions and no more corrections
New faces more better situations
New cases and better food tasting
New ways how to believe and new goals to achieve
New dates and new wedding plates
New kiss a new touch a new crush
A new time  for a harder grind
New smiles and better crowds
New mind set and better sex
New ways and better days
New organizations and better communication
New motivation and a true dedication.
A new fan for a better man.

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